Useful Tips

When is it better to end a friendship and how to do it


There are several signs of this:

You feel empty after talking with a friend

You do not like your behavior when you are with this person

You have to psychologically tune in to meet him

There is no balance in your relationship: either he does not reciprocate your efforts, or you

Because of him, your self-esteem falls, you feel pressure from him and feel guilty, you often quarrel with each other

You no longer like this person or you do not respect him.

2. Then decide which way is better: to establish new boundaries of your friendship, slowly nullify it or complete it formally

Each situation is unique, therefore there is no universal solution to the problem, but here is what the experts advise:

You should set boundaries if you feel that a friend demands too much from you, but you want to keep communicating.

You should slowly reduce friendship to nothing if you start to move away from each other and both invest little in friendship.

You should formally end a friendship if you suspect that a person is not on the same wavelength with you and believes that everything is in order in your relationship.

3. The boundaries you draw may be specific or blurred depending on the situation.

If the matter is specific, be straightforward. For example, if a friend writes to you all the time, tell him that you will not be able to answer during the working day, as this will affect his diligence (or, frankly, your boss will get angry).

If, on the whole, you want to change the format of communication, you probably will not be able to specifically explain to the person what you want from him, and this is normal. In such a situation, you can say, for example, the following: "I still want to communicate with you, but I will not be able to do this as often, because something in my life is changing."

If a friend does not respect these borders, then you will have to remind him of them or try another way.

4. Slowing down friendships will happen only if both people feel that something in their relationship has changed

Slowly nullifying is, roughly speaking, starting to ignore a person. The only difference is that in this case both of you begin to move away from each other for one reason or another. This may be a friend with whom you have never been very close, now your paths have diverged, and none of you especially wants to make efforts to maintain relationships. Or is it a person whose lifestyle is now totally different from yours, and now you quarrel more than communicate normally. This way only works if both people are moving in opposite directions.

In this case, you can begin to write to this person less often, not meet with him often, be less interested in his life, and, in the end, one day you will wake up and realize that there is no more friendship between you. Obviously, this method is ideal for people who avoid direct confrontation, but you should be careful, and if you feel doubts on the part of the person or understand that you are hurting him, you will still have to dot the “i” in a direct conversation.

9. Build a conversation around you and your needs, and do not point out a person’s blunders

In general, you will often have to use the word “I”. For example: "I feel that my life is changing direction, and I wanted to (a) tell you that no matter how much I value (a) our friendship, I can no longer devote time to it." Do not say: "Your presence in my life has become extremely negative, and I no longer want to communicate with you."

10. If, however, you decide that it is important to inform the person that he hurt your feelings, and when everything went wrong, carefully consider this intention and determine whether it is worth it

It’s perfectly normal to have a desire to discuss the details, but it’s worth realistically approaching what a person wants to hear. For example, if you tell a person that you want to break off relations because he does not listen to you and behaves selfishly, you are unlikely to be heard. Ask yourself if what you are going to say helps the person, or if you just want to use the last chance to hurt him.

12. If you no longer want to have anything to do with this person, you will have to let him know.

If you don’t do this, your friend may misunderstand you. It’s not necessary to say “friendship is over”, but make sure that your speech contains the phrases “no longer see each other” or “I can’t give you more time”. This will make it clear to the person that the changes are final, and this is not just a step back.

14. After that, finish the job.

The end of friendship is something like a break with a loved one. If you really want this, do not pretend that it is not. Having told the person that the friendship is over, do not act as if everything is fine when it suits you. At the same time, show civilization and respect when you accidentally come across it.

15. By the way, if a friend really negatively affects you and your relationship can be called violent, you have every right to break it off once and for all

When it comes to your mental health and you need to get rid of unhealthy relationships, stop talking without giving a reason more than normal. You can briefly explain to a person that friendship is over, but in rare cases when the relationship is really unhealthy and violent, you can break it off without any explanation on your part.

2. A friend asks him to indulge in immoral acts

In this case, the key word is “indulge”. It is better to end relations with a person who asks not only to put up with his immoral acts, but also to help in their implementation.

You should definitely think about the need to continue the relationship, if the behavior of your friend harms not only him, but also others, including you.